Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
