i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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