I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
being pregnant is like rehab
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
