just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
