6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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