Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
