I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
