Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
