my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
