Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
