Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
