Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
