Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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