So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize