Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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