Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
