As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
