i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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