K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
