somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
