The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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