So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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