All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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