am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize