so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
