God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
