No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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