The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
