She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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