The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
