I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
