This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
