I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
