Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
