dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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