Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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