I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
