This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
