the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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