I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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