i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
