drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
