i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
