Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
