So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
