He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
