I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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