The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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