when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
