im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
