I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
