Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
