it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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