i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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