So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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