He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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