Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize