you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
