the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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