Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
