anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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