he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize