new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
