dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
