my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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