i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
