if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
