capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
