Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize